The Divorce Coach

Did you ever realise a year ago that you would be at this stage this year??  Did I just hear someone say yes, but I didn't know what to do about it?  Oh, and there was someone else saying no, I've just realised though that I don't want to be feeling like this for another 5 New Years.  Oh, and there's someone else saying, what you talking about, I made my decision on the stroke of midnight.

What are you going to do about it now then?  It's not quite the time to go straight to the solicitors - no, I mean it.  The solicitor should not be your first port of call.

I got a call from a client between Christmas and New Year who is so typical of many - his wife had approached a solicitor and before he knew it, the marriage was over.  Now, it may well have been over anyway, but what could easily have been handled in a kinder manner had become a battle ground.

First up:

Are you really really sure that separation or divorce is going to be an answer to your problem?  You must get clear on the real reason for your unhappiness.  You must be sure that you're not transferring your bad feelings for something else onto your relationship.

Second:

Please, please if you are considering leaving your partner, if you are contemplating how miserable your future might be with them, or you have already made the move - take the time to recognise the various negative and acrimonious aspects of divorce can be avoided when you fully understand that you don't have to justify yourself, you don't have to put blame on the other party, and you don't have to feel guilty. 

Third:

If there are children involved, they should be your number one priority - adults are big and ugly enough to fend for themselves. 

Fourth:

Get proper support - and here I mean financial and emotional - these two go a long way to reducing your legal bills.  Your friends and family will be well meaning and will want to help - bear in mind that they often take sides, and it isn't always yours.  Financial support comes by way of IFA's - and preferably specialist ones.

Fifth:

Unhappiness is temporary - and it can be very temporary as long as you know what happiness is.  Divorce can put a huge extra strain on you and it can also give you a huge relief.  It is key to your future happiness to know what you are working towards which is outside the divorce arena.  Divorce should only be a part of the proceedings - for a healthy divorce, you need to have other areas of interest to focus on - and in the early stages, they shouldn't be a new relationship!!

Good luck and if you would like help in any of these areas, give me a call on 07957 307652.  I've kept my prices reduced by 50% just to help folk through January - the toughest month for relationship breakdown, divorce applications and post Christmas financial stress.

Jackie Walker

The Divorce Coach

www.thedivorcecoach.co.uk