The Divorce Coach

Oh heck here they are again is what goes through many parents minds when holidays are mentioned, isn't it! How to juggle kids and work and keep everyone happy. We divorcees are no different - or are we!?

Well a lot depends on what kind of childcare arrangements are in place and what has been agreed about holidays. I know some folk who see their kids just for 2 weeks in the summer and the rest of the time the parent with care is in charge of all the juggling, out of hours care, day camps, sending to grandparents, and other family members. Other families have a very open door and flexible policy. Others have a rigid structure. There's no right or wrong. But there're bound to be useful ideas for us all to share!

In Scotland the summer term has ended already - yes seriously! From the outset in my own situation, we agreed that holidays would be split 50/50 - and in the most part that seems to work, EXCEPT when I think about it. So I've been thinking today, hence the blog! Four weeks with each parent and only telephone contact in between - it's a long time isn't it? Last night at 9.46pm (roughly) I said good bye to my daughters after their end of term concert until I see them again at the end of July. I've learned to control my emotions now after 5 years and can do it with great equanimity and with a smile and joke - it seems to keep everyone happy ... until I get in my car with the knowing that I have 4 whole weeks to do whatever I want, with whoever I want and however I want, or I can be lonely and purposeless - and for a while I feel a bit lost, not knowing which of the two to choose.

Sometimes that kind of freedom is scary - when did you last have 4 weeks completely to yourself? What did you do with it? Did you think - 'brilliant I can knuckle down to some serious work now', or did you think up some adventures to go on?

It's highly unusual for couples still together to understand this sense of either emptiness or gay abandon - and very often they are jealous of what they perceive the freedom to be. I can fully appreciate their thought process - and I now take full advantage of my 'alone' time. But it wasn't always that way - even a day or two was strange to begin with - and then a week loomed into focus and then four whole weeks.

The worst bit for me is that I know my kids will expect me to take my holidays to coincide with theirs so little chance of gadding off for a month! Work still has to play a huge part during my 'free' time - how would you best deal with it?